I accidentally burped into my bong.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
