And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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