I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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