you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
