quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize