Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
