She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Congratulations! We have a period
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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