Welp...herpes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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