Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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