how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
