Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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