Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
