sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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