i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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