Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He better not be in your backpack
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
