So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
