I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
