his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize