You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
