Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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