why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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