My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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