You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
