hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
