After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
