Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm too high and old for this...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
