If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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