just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
