I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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