i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
