M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
