I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
