This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
