God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
