Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
