at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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