Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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