If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
