Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
