i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
