Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
