Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
