you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
