Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
