why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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