unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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