I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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