i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
