I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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