Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
