I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
