Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nicole vs. Life
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
