Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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