We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
