My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
