I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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