You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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