and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
