i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
